"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.