"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
---
"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong