"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx