"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"