"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great