"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda