"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss