“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar