"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
"Bury me next to a straight man."
"Go, and never darken my towels again."