“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown