“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret