“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan