“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.