“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash