“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield