“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns