“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope