“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.