“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.