“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy