“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan