“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.