“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.