“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.