“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.