“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.