“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash