"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns