"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher