"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins