“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner