"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon