""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown