"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns