"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby