"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien