"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong