"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child