"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel