“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman