“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst