"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn