Anti Pick Up Lines

The complete opposite of pick up lines - Insulting instead of complimenting!

Anti Pick Up Lines

Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.