What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I hope for world peas.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
This foundation is rock salad.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I yam what I yam.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I love you from my head tomato
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Time to celery-brate.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What a spud muffin.
I think therefore I yam.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.