My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.