I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.