Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.