Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.