What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”