Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.