I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!