How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!