If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.