If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.