A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.