I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.