The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.