What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards