Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
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