How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.