What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
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