A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
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