How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
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