“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
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