Hands

Can You Let the Manager Know Please?
Can You Let the Manager Know Please? A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she purrs, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman, evidently getting a bit hot under the collar by this point. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, touching his lips. "Tell him," she says, "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' room."
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?"

Little Johnny: "Big hands!"
What did the man with no hands get for his christmas gift?
Gloves.

Just Joking. He still hasn't opened the gift.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
An Italian Under Interrogation
An Italian Under Interrogation Three high ranking Axis soldiers are about to be interrogated during WWII. One is a member of the Gestapo, one is an Imperial Japanese officer and one is a Fascist Italian Commander. They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated. The German says, "My superior German spirit and intelligence will make it impossible for them to break me." The Japanese says, "It is only through my undying devotion to the Emperor that I will be able to withstand their torture." The Italian says, "I've had it." The German is the first to be interrogated, and as he leaves they wish him luck. Nearly a whole day passes before the German returns to the cell, covered in bruises and blood. The other two ask him what happened. "Even my perfect genes could not protect me from their methods. I have failed my country," Next, the Japanese is up to be interrogated. Three days pass and he returns to the cell. His eyes are both black, fingers broken, and body bruised and bloodied. "I have dishonored myself and my Emperor. When they release me, I must commit honorable seppuku." Lastly, the Italian is up, and he leaves already begging for his life. A whole week passes before he returns. Beaten nearly to death, he is carried in by two soldiers. One of the soldiers jeers, "I can't believe you guys broke instead of this dago. He's a real man, not like you girls." The other two are shocked and amazed that this Italian could take their punishments and not break. They ask him how he did it. He didn't strike them as so formidable. "I wanted to give in immediately, but I couldn't speak." "What do you mean you couldn't speak?" The others ask. "The bastards tied my hands behind my back!"
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.