"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard