“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
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