"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."
- T.H. Everett
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
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