"Summer does mean no school for my children. Hey, who doesn’t deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten?"
– Jim Gaffigan
"Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry"
– Maria Bamford
-
"I like swimming in a sun shirt. People always look at me like I fell in the pool"
– Jim Gaffigan
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
"I don't tan. I burn"
"The only b.s I need is bikini and sandals"
"I'm happier than a seagull with a french fry"
"Pollen- when flowers can't keep it in their plants"
"Went outside today. Very hot. There were bugs. Zero stars, would not recommend"
"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea"
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
“The most obnoxious thing in the world is to listen to others drone on about how much they love the heat.”
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
“Vacation is that time when you wish you had something to do while doing nothing.”
–Frank Tyger
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
If I don’t make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!”
― April Mae Monterrosa
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”
— Katie Lee
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“I believe someone made a grievous mistake when summer was created; no novitiate or god in their right mind would make a season akin to hell on purpose. Someone should be fired.”
― Michelle Franklin
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
Summer should get a speeding ticket
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
“It’s a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.”
-Walter Winchell
“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?"
– Steven Wright
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent