“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
"I don't tan. I burn"
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?"
– Steven Wright
“The most obnoxious thing in the world is to listen to others drone on about how much they love the heat.”
"Summer does mean no school for my children. Hey, who doesn’t deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten?"
– Jim Gaffigan
“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
Summer should get a speeding ticket
"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea"
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
"The only b.s I need is bikini and sandals"
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
If I don’t make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!”
― April Mae Monterrosa
“If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”
— Katie Lee
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Went outside today. Very hot. There were bugs. Zero stars, would not recommend"
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
"I'm happier than a seagull with a french fry"
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
"Pollen- when flowers can't keep it in their plants"
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
"Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry"
– Maria Bamford
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
“Vacation is that time when you wish you had something to do while doing nothing.”
–Frank Tyger
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
“It’s a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.”
-Walter Winchell
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"I like swimming in a sun shirt. People always look at me like I fell in the pool"
– Jim Gaffigan
“I believe someone made a grievous mistake when summer was created; no novitiate or god in their right mind would make a season akin to hell on purpose. Someone should be fired.”
― Michelle Franklin
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland