You don't know jack-o-lantern
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!