How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.