What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know.
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Intercourse!
The incredible Wizard of Oz,
Retired from his business becoz.
Due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients,
He wasn't the Wizard he woz.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.
Why did my wife cross the road?
To go back to the same shoe shop we went to three hours ago.
I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
Why are gay men so well dressed?
They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
There was an Old Person of Tartary,
Who divided his jugular artery;
But he screeched to his wife,
And she said, 'Oh, my life!
Your death will be felt by all Tartary!'
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Twinkle twinkle little bore.
Close your mouth, it's not a door.
You are just as cold as ice,
It is you that I despise.
My name is Spenser
No dog is denser
I'm not well smarted
But I'm big hearted
If you was hurted
I'd be alerted
And I'll come racing
To lick your facing.
(Jessica Amanda Salmonson)
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
There was an Old Person of Dean,
Who dined on one pea and one bean;
For he said,
"More than that would make me too fat,"
That cautious Old Person of Dean.
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopedias.
Source: Wikipedia
What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.
It's going to be a game changer.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.
Working in customer service already did that.
What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.
Apparently, I went too far.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
One problem with antibiotics is that no matter how popular it gets....It’s never going viral.
A man was once offended
By a pun writing contest he entered
He submitted ten
Sure that one would win
But alas no pun in ten did.
Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman.
That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy
He's pretty ham-fisted
I told my friend I was attacked by a shark.
He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?"
I said, "No, it just attacked me for no reason."
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
Get in the van.
Why did the queen cross the road?
To get to coronation street.
So I attended a salsa class today
The instructor says to everyone: "Alright folks, who's ready to learn how to dance??"
I realized that there was a misunderstanding, and ran off with my bag of tortilla chips.
My dear, I’ve got some important news,
Please know it’s nothing bad,
But today I had to X-ray my head,
And your picture is all it had!
Why did the doctor cross the road?
Hard to say really. Could be any number of reasons.
Go to BabaMail
