It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
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