It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
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