It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
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