It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
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