It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
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