It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
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