It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
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