Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.