Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV? Too much sax and violins.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
- Knock knock! - Who's there? - Britney Spears. - Britney Spears who? - Knock knock! - Who's there? - Oops! I did it again!
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock!
What types of songs do planets sing? Nep-tunes.
Which composer likes tea the most? Chai-kovsky.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb? One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher? They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes four movements.
The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility. The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech. The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior. The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist. The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity. The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore. The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once. The
How do you fix a broken brass instrument? With a tuba glue.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet? About three decibels.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they forgot the words.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day. But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Why is a piano so hard to open? Because the keys are on the inside.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God? God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument? A moo-sician.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
What makes music on your head? A headband.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer… I could make you a Liszt.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens? They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car. Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much. They just fiddle around.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What song do tornados like? “The Twist.”
What do you call clean music? A soap opera!
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Why did the chicken join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge? Cool music.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes? Kazoontite.
How does the sun listen to music? On its ray-dio!
What do you call a musician with problems? A trebled man.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar? Because they were slurring.
How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep? Pay them for the pizza.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip. Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you get when you squish an army? A flat major.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord? A Baroque man’s piano.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What do a sword and a piano have in common? They can both B sharp.
Why was music coming from the printer? The paper was jamming.
Why was the musician arrested? She got in treble.
Where do pianists go on vacation? The Florida Keys.
What is the most musical part of your body? Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra? Thank you for every ting.