Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
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