What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
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