What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
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