What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
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