What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.