What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
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