Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
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