What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson