What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
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