Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
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