Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.