What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
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