I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
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