What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
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