What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
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