Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
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