What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
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