Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
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