In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
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