Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
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