What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
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